


Dandelion IV

by lokilickedme



Series: Dandelion [4]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Budding Love, Confessions, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Masturbation in Shower, Platonic Kissing, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 20:56:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3623991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokilickedme/pseuds/lokilickedme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This work comes before Dandelion and Dandelion II, and takes place a month after Dandelion III.  Tom and Anja settle back into their comfortable friendship after the events at the hotel, but Tom is still secretly aching for something more.  After Anja makes a startling confession, he decides it's time to take his first real step toward becoming her lover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dandelion IV

 

 

A month later they found themselves alone together in Tom's house after their friends had left. Nothing had been said between them about what transpired at the hotel, Anja preferring not to think too much about it and Tom tending to do the exact opposite. He thought about it all the time, and it made him ache with want for her. They were still friends, just like they had always been, but he had begun feeling sad at the prospect of their relationship never becoming anything more.

He joined her in the kitchen where she was washing the dishes. Watching her briefly from the doorway, he decided to test the waters. He came up behind her and pressed lightly against her, causing her to sway forward and catch herself with her elbows on the edge of the sink.

"Whoa big boy, easy there - did you drink too much tonight?"

He moved her hair to one side to expose her neck and planted a soft, warm kiss there. She didn't pull away but leaned slightly back into him, encouraging him to slide his arms around her waist and clasp his hands together at her stomach. He continued placing little kisses along her neck and shoulder until she pushed back against him to knock him off balance, giving herself space to turn around and face him.

"What are you doing?"

He looked hurt for a moment. He had never been good at hiding his feelings - if he was happy, everyone knew it. Likewise if he was sad, or hurt, or excited, or bored. He couldn't keep everyone from knowing. It was all over his face, and Anja found herself looking deep into despair behind his big blue eyes. He didn't offer any answer.

"You need to either grab a towel or go take a shower, your choice," she said teasingly as she turned back to the sink and picked up a coffee cup. Whatever he was upset about, she wasn't so sure she should open any mystery boxes tonight. 

He remained standing behind her for a moment, not saying anything, not moving. Then he retreated to the doorway as if he was going to leave, but stopped and turned back to look at her again. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet and sad, almost defeated.

"It'll never be, will it."

"What will never be?"

He paused for several long moments.

"Us."

She put the cup down and turned to him again.

"Who said that?"

"You did."

"When?"

"At Chris's New Years party, when I kissed you in the kitchen - you said we'd be better off friends than lovers."

A look of shock and then realization crossed her face. "Tom, you ambushed me while I was talking to Kady. I was saying that to _her_ , not to you...and it was about _Chris,_ not you."

He didn't understand, and his expression said so. Anja laughed a little. "You mean you've kept this in all this time?" He didn't say anything. "I wish I'd known...it might have kept me from almost making a horrible mistake with Chris."

He was slowly starting to get it. She was better friends than lovers with...Chris. Not him. He remembered being slightly more than tipsy that night and rushing into the kitchen to steal a kiss from her a few seconds before midnight. She had been in conversation with Kady and didn't see him coming; she had shrieked and then laughed as he scooped her up in his arms and planted a very messy, sloppy, booze-drenched but well-meaning kiss on her lips. Halfway through that kiss his hopes had risen so high that he had dared to think maybe she felt the same way he did...and then he had put her down and separated his lips from hers, and she had finished the sentence he'd interrupted. _Better friends than lovers_. His hopes dashed, a crushing pain in his chest, he had smiled at her in a desperate attempt to hide his disappointment and murmured "Happy New Year, darling". A few seconds later the adjoining room erupted in cheers and whistles and the remarkable din of merrymaking. He'd removed his arms from around her waist and excused himself. He didn't know if she had watched him leave or not.

And now...? It had been nearly two years ago that he'd mistaken her words for being about him. Had he really let all that time go by, wasted?

"What horrible mistake?" was all he could say. He didn't even really know why, but of everything she had just said, that was what came out. 

She shook her head, a pained look on her face. "About a year ago, I almost slept with him. Considered it, actually - " She looked down at the floor as if ashamed of herself. "Fortunately I decided that giving my virginity to the first guy who seriously asked for it wasn't the best life choice I could make."

Tom felt like someone had struck him in the chest.

"Vir - _virginity_?"

Anja laughed. It was a small laugh, slightly embarrassed, and she didn't look at him.

"Yeah. Fortunately I decided against it before we got too far...I just couldn't stop feeling like it was a mistake. I didn't want to regret it."

Neither of them said anything for a long moment. "I'm sure he'd have taken good care of me," she finally continued, her voice quiet and unsure. "But I couldn't help thinking the whole time that...you'd...take much better care of me than he would."

She looked at him finally. Her eyes went straight to his and he felt like she was searching his thoughts for a response. He didn't have one.

"The...whole time...?"

She broke the stare. "Yes. He took me to his bedroom and we - well, we tried, I suppose. But I couldn't relax and in the end I think he realized I wasn't ready. Maybe he knew I was wishing he was someone else."

She smiled at the floor. "He didn't take it personal."

The blow to the chest had returned and Tom felt his breath leave his body. "Wishing he was - ?"

"You."

He had no words, none that he could form into coherent sentences anyway. He just stared at her in shock, his mouth open as if ready to speak, but his brain refusing to engage. _She loved him_ \- maybe for as long as he had loved her, and maybe as deeply. _How could this have happened?_ They had orbited one another as friends for years, always close, always considerate and loving, always with a wistful tenderness that made others comment on how perfect they would be for each other if they weren't such good friends. Unwilling to risk that friendship, they had never even thought of pursuing anything different. Until just before New Years two years ago, when a liquor-loosened set of inhibitions had dropped and he had gone in search of the girl he realized he had loved all along. And then just as quickly, the comfortingly safe barrier of friendship had cemented itself back into place.

Of all the things he could have said, wanted to say at that moment, the only words that came from his mouth were, "You're still a virgin?"

As soon as he'd said it, he wanted to kill himself. Such a stupid, ridiculous thing to say - and he realized with horror that he'd said it so incredulously. But she laughed again and he took heart. "Yes."

"But..." He desperately tried to piece together his uncooperative thoughts. " _How?_ "

She looked up, her face soft and a faint smile pulling up the left corner of her mouth. He only ever saw her smile at him that way; he had come to love that enigmatic little grin, he considered it his and his alone.

"Because you never took it."

He could only stare at her. Anja, whom he loved. She had kept herself for him, and in his blind and willing resignation to the friendzone, he had never even known it was there for him to take.

In two steps he crossed the kitchen and pulled her roughly into his arms, more roughly than he intended, not stopping until she crashed hard into his chest and her surprised yelp was cut off by the crush of his lips against hers. She tensed up in shock at the sudden assault, then softened into him as he held her, her arms trapped between them. He had pulled her up into the kiss and she found herself on tiptoes, straining to reach, their heights so drastically different that her neck was craned up and he was bent forward just so that their lips could meet. His arms around her back were holding her too tightly, as if he wasn't willing to risk even an inch between their bodies. She whimpered a bit in discomfort. "You're smushing me," she whispered against his mouth.

He loosened his grip just enough to let her slide back down to solid footing, lowering his head with her so that the kiss wasn't broken. He was moving his lips across her face now, working his way to her jaw, his breathing ragged and labored. He wasn't sure if it was long-denied desire or an incredible, overpowering sense of relief that was driving him to smother and crush her with his arms, lips, and body...but he knew beyond any doubt that he didn't want to let her go now that he had her. _Ever_.

He slid his hands down under her bottom and lifted her up so that her legs wrapped around his back, and carried her out of the kitchen toward the bedroom. She knew immediately where he was taking her. She buried her face against his neck and closed her eyes, only opening them once he had kicked the bedroom door open and crossed the room in long quick strides to lay her gently on the bed. The spread was soft and cool against her skin and she relaxed, spreading her arms out on either side of her head.

He stood over her, looking down at her with incredibly bright eyes. 

" _Is this what you want?_ " he asked, his voice low and husky. There was an edge of dark desire in his voice, tempered by concern. His eyes were on her face. She nodded.

He lay down beside her, sideways on the bed like she was, with his legs hanging over the edge. One hand came up to caress her cheek and he smiled. "Are you absolutely certain?"

Again, she nodded her affirmation. Tom propped himself up on one elbow and turned her face toward him with a large hand cupping her cheek. "I need to hear you say it," he said quietly. "You have to say yes or I do nothing. I have to be _absolutely sure_ that you mean yes."

Her eyes went wide with the realization that he was really intending to take her, right now, as soon as she gave him permission. She suddenly felt heavy, like her breath was choking her. His eyes were intent on hers, reading her reactions, and she had no doubt that if she hesitated even a moment longer he would move away. 

"Yes."

The word came out quickly and sounded rushed, unsure, even to her own ears but especially to his. Tom smiled a tiny little smile and blinked, his hand stroking the side of her face, a fingertip brushing her earlobe soothingly as his eyes shifted down to her mouth. He shook his head almost imperceptively, mentally putting on the brakes.

"There's no rush, darling," he whispered. "We have all the time in the world."

With that, he moved the top of his body over her and began kissing her softly, tenderly, his hands sliding slowly down her sides and over her hips as he parted her lips with his tongue. She opened her mouth to him and let him push his tongue inside, shivering at the feel of its warmth and softness against her own.

He kissed her for a little while, softly and sweetly and tenderly, whispering against her ear that he'd always loved her and had been a fool not to realize it sooner. He didn't touch her other than stroking her neck with his fingertips as he kissed her, and kept a bit of space between them so that his erection wasn't pressed against her as they lay in a warm embrace on his bed. Anja fell asleep in his arms after a while, and instead of waking her up to take her home, he lifted her legs up onto the bed and covered her with a blanket. He gazed down at her for a bit, wondering how to proceed. She had genuinely surprised him tonight; he never in a million years would have expected her to tell him she'd never slept with anyone. He knew that he would be the one, and that it was a big responsibility as well as a huge honor that he would have to take seriously. It had to be done right. He hadn't pressured her into it after it became obvious that she was unsure...and he was in no rush. He knew it would happen. He wanted her to be the one to choose when.

He went into the bathroom and undressed, stepping into the shower and letting the water run cold against his back. His skin pricked up against the shock of it and he cursed under his breath. It wasn't going away. He briefly considered drying off and slipping into bed with Anja and kissing and stroking and licking her until she was wet and ready for him, but he reminded himself that tonight wasn't the night and resigned himself to the cold, uncomfortable water splashing over his body. He put his hands against the wall and let his head drop till he started getting used to the frigid temperature.

After a moment the water turned warm, then hot. He opened his eyes and saw Anja, her hand on the knob, wet up to the shoulder.

"What are you - " he started, but she cut him off.

"Don't suffer, sweetie," she said quietly. She reached her hand out and touched his wet chest, sliding her fingertips down to his belly and just slightly lower. He tensed up, but never took his eyes off hers. "There's no need to punish yourself."

She smiled at him, then pulled his hand down from the wall and drew it to her mouth, kissing his knuckles. After the long slow kiss, she lowered his hand to her breast and let him squeeze her. His eyes closed and his head dropped back as his other hand moved from the wall to his dripping cock, wrapping around it without hesitation. 

" _Thank you darling_ ," he whispered. 

She left to give him some privacy, although he found himself immediately wishing she had stayed. He knew she wasn't ready for complete intimacy with him yet, so he let her go without arguing. He closed his eyes and remembered the feel of her soft breast in his hand, and finished himself within seconds.

 

  
She slept in his bed that night. He wasn't sure what he should do after he got out of the shower and dressed for bed; he wanted to climb in behind her and hold her for the rest of the night, but she had left the bathroom to allow him to masturbate in private, so he felt like she was setting boundaries and the last thing he wanted to do was accidentally cross one. She had been brutally assaulted the previous christmas by a former friend and it had left her shaken and unsure; even though she seemed to have recovered well and he hadn't actually succeeded in raping her, it had been close and there were times when her eyes clouded over with bad memories.  It broke his heart a little bit every time, and the absolute last thing he wanted to do to her now was to scare her, or hurt her, or make her fear him in any way. He felt certain that not respecting boundaries, even ones he wasn't sure actually existed, would be the worst thing he could possibly do to her.  So he tugged the duvet up to her neck and kissed her gently on the forehead before pulling the spare blanket off the end of the bed and trudging off to the guest room, leaving the doors open between the two rooms so she could find him if she needed to.

In the morning he got up before her and made coffee. Anja came sleepily into the kitchen a few minutes later in her clothes from the night before, looking rumpled and slept in.

"Oh sweetheart, you didn't have to sleep in your clothes - you could have gotten something from my dresser! Sorry, I didn't even think to get anything out for you." He stood up and poured her a cup of coffee and set the cream in front of her. "I'll go get you something to change into."

She let him leave, content to dump a huge amount of cream into the black coffee and start sipping on it in his absence. He returned within minutes and rested his hands on her shoulders, leaning down to put a soft kiss on her jawbone before sitting across from her at the little table. "I've put some sweats and a teeshirt on the bed for you, they should fit well enough."

She smiled and took another sip of coffee. It was hot and burned her throat, but it helped her wake up. She hadn't slept very well. After seeing him naked in the shower, her earlier assumptions about his size were not only confirmed, but increased - and she was feeling a bit panicked about it.

"I thought you might like to spend the day with me," he asked hopefully.

"Is it Saturday?" she asked, looking around the kitchen for a calendar.

"It is."

She took another sip of coffee and smiled at him over the rim of the cup. "Well okay then."

 

 

 

 


End file.
